Post by shawnturner on Jan 9, 2018 3:21:47 GMT -8
This is more just to let it out to people that might get some sort of understanding, plus maybe it'll make me feel somewhat better.
I currently live with my cousin in a room I made in his spare garage. I have just started working again and live a somewhat, isolated, yet non eventful life (self imposed). Life dint start as planned with the death of my parents at the age of 13. This lead me to using drugs on a recreational level, not giving a $#%^ about much else except drinking with friends and getting high. Now, using drugs at that age might seem crazy to some but it really wasnt a major deal. At the legal age of 15 I started working and life drifted on. What was some speed on the weekend and a joint or 2 during the week turned to a 3.6gram daily speed addiction and a taste or herion by the age of about 16. I have vague memories of me at partys, dumping pills and banging H for days and days upon. I lived with my brother and his future wife, we had some family come in and out through the years but we never got close. We had the police and human services come in on a continiuos basis due to the family complaining, saying we are screwing our lives.. To a point, they were right, but hey... I held a full time job! I didnt haver finanical problems, I just used alot of drugs!!
My brother was a complusive gambler, from what I remember we got about $800,000 each from our parents, my brother being legal age he held the money, yet pretty much gave me my share. I remember sitting in the horses place and watching him bet thousands of dollars a day. I never knew how to gamble and had no interest in it. My brother was never a user of drugs but he did suffer from chronic depression and the gambling didnt help. Anyways, liferolled on and at the age of 18 years old I was clean of drugs, 5 years of substance abuse took a toll on me mentally but I seemed ok. What I didnt realise is that its the after effects of drugs that fk most people up. I suffered depression, suicidial thoughts, self harm, scitzo, speed pyhsic all beyond belief. I would lay in bed for days, weeks.. I remember at times I would not speak to anyone for months. At one point I woke up, watched TV untill the early hours then I went to sleep, I had no job, no phone, nocontact with the world. I would cut my wrists while listening to depressing music. The life I lived was just unbareable and I knew I didnt have to cuts to kill myself.. So I kick started myself..
I started to study a course at a private college, things were doing ok for a few months, met some nice people and started to socialize. I meet a guy called " X ". Me and X would go a drink at the local pub after class, hang out on weekends, was good stuff. Where I live they have slot machines in the local pubs andf well.. We all know the story, $5.00 to $10.00 to $50.00 and onwards it goes.. It was like I "had" something to do!! The gambling filled that need to be active and within about 1 month of starting to gamble I found myself sitting at the casino from morning till morning, no more studying and the no more socialising, it completely took over me. From about $50.00 it went to me losing about $3000 - $5000 a day and in literally a matter of weeks, I had lost everything I had. Ihad sold the laptop, the furniture, I had thousands in personal loans.. Everything was gone!!
At the age of 21years old. I was forced out of my house with a bag of clothes. To most this is enough to make people get thier $#%^ together but I was highly unstable from intense drug abuse and instead I feel into a hole! I found myself sleeping on the street and stealing food to eat. Life was just completely out of control and I had only my brother to turn too, his response was simple "Dont call me!!" I was destroied! What do you do? you have no parents, no family, no job and no money.. WHAT DO YOU DO??? After about 2 months on the streets, several attempts at holding a job, I got desperate.. I started to commit online fraud to get money in a bid to get on my feet. After days of planning and hours spend onine at the local library, I had about $10,000 in my aqccount and a further 20+ extremely angry people after me.. $10,000 was to help me, it was mean't to save me from jumping of a bridge. It took about 2 hrs for it to be gone to the casino!! The feeling was beyond anything I have ever experienced! I was shaking, I j=was just dumbfounded at how I could be in this situation.
Gambling continued to haunt my life for a further 4- 5 years, I have stolen about $30,000 from several work places. I have stoeln credit cards from friends and used it for online gambling, I have lopst paycheck after paycheck and I have been on the street 4 seperate times due to losing all my money. Now, I have shot up herion for years, I have used more drugs then people can ever think and NOTHING comes close to the mentally straining feeling you get gambling!! It has destoried my life and it will contiue to do so forever. I have an unknown number of warrants for my arrest for fraud, theft, assualt and possesion. I have lost the only family I had, I have lost every friend I ever had, I have no way of ever getting my own house, a decent job. I can never travel overseas!! I literally have only the bare basics to look forward too, that includes about 5 years minimum in prison.. All becuase I was stupid enough to gamble!!
And you want to know whats worse? yesterday I got my 2 week paycheck! I havint had money for some months. After everything I have been through, after all the crimes, the travelling interstate, the nights in the park, sleeping on the train stations ..... I wake up at 4am, i wait for my pay to go in at 5am, I enter the local casino at 5:30am this morning and blew it all.. Now I sit here again, after 12 years of just absolute misery and sadness, with 2 sharp blades infront of me, a glass of jack daniels and coke, and Ithink to myself.... "Now do you have the guts to do it?" the answer? 100%!!!
For More Details: motion graphic animations
I currently live with my cousin in a room I made in his spare garage. I have just started working again and live a somewhat, isolated, yet non eventful life (self imposed). Life dint start as planned with the death of my parents at the age of 13. This lead me to using drugs on a recreational level, not giving a $#%^ about much else except drinking with friends and getting high. Now, using drugs at that age might seem crazy to some but it really wasnt a major deal. At the legal age of 15 I started working and life drifted on. What was some speed on the weekend and a joint or 2 during the week turned to a 3.6gram daily speed addiction and a taste or herion by the age of about 16. I have vague memories of me at partys, dumping pills and banging H for days and days upon. I lived with my brother and his future wife, we had some family come in and out through the years but we never got close. We had the police and human services come in on a continiuos basis due to the family complaining, saying we are screwing our lives.. To a point, they were right, but hey... I held a full time job! I didnt haver finanical problems, I just used alot of drugs!!
My brother was a complusive gambler, from what I remember we got about $800,000 each from our parents, my brother being legal age he held the money, yet pretty much gave me my share. I remember sitting in the horses place and watching him bet thousands of dollars a day. I never knew how to gamble and had no interest in it. My brother was never a user of drugs but he did suffer from chronic depression and the gambling didnt help. Anyways, liferolled on and at the age of 18 years old I was clean of drugs, 5 years of substance abuse took a toll on me mentally but I seemed ok. What I didnt realise is that its the after effects of drugs that fk most people up. I suffered depression, suicidial thoughts, self harm, scitzo, speed pyhsic all beyond belief. I would lay in bed for days, weeks.. I remember at times I would not speak to anyone for months. At one point I woke up, watched TV untill the early hours then I went to sleep, I had no job, no phone, nocontact with the world. I would cut my wrists while listening to depressing music. The life I lived was just unbareable and I knew I didnt have to cuts to kill myself.. So I kick started myself..
I started to study a course at a private college, things were doing ok for a few months, met some nice people and started to socialize. I meet a guy called " X ". Me and X would go a drink at the local pub after class, hang out on weekends, was good stuff. Where I live they have slot machines in the local pubs andf well.. We all know the story, $5.00 to $10.00 to $50.00 and onwards it goes.. It was like I "had" something to do!! The gambling filled that need to be active and within about 1 month of starting to gamble I found myself sitting at the casino from morning till morning, no more studying and the no more socialising, it completely took over me. From about $50.00 it went to me losing about $3000 - $5000 a day and in literally a matter of weeks, I had lost everything I had. Ihad sold the laptop, the furniture, I had thousands in personal loans.. Everything was gone!!
At the age of 21years old. I was forced out of my house with a bag of clothes. To most this is enough to make people get thier $#%^ together but I was highly unstable from intense drug abuse and instead I feel into a hole! I found myself sleeping on the street and stealing food to eat. Life was just completely out of control and I had only my brother to turn too, his response was simple "Dont call me!!" I was destroied! What do you do? you have no parents, no family, no job and no money.. WHAT DO YOU DO??? After about 2 months on the streets, several attempts at holding a job, I got desperate.. I started to commit online fraud to get money in a bid to get on my feet. After days of planning and hours spend onine at the local library, I had about $10,000 in my aqccount and a further 20+ extremely angry people after me.. $10,000 was to help me, it was mean't to save me from jumping of a bridge. It took about 2 hrs for it to be gone to the casino!! The feeling was beyond anything I have ever experienced! I was shaking, I j=was just dumbfounded at how I could be in this situation.
Gambling continued to haunt my life for a further 4- 5 years, I have stolen about $30,000 from several work places. I have stoeln credit cards from friends and used it for online gambling, I have lopst paycheck after paycheck and I have been on the street 4 seperate times due to losing all my money. Now, I have shot up herion for years, I have used more drugs then people can ever think and NOTHING comes close to the mentally straining feeling you get gambling!! It has destoried my life and it will contiue to do so forever. I have an unknown number of warrants for my arrest for fraud, theft, assualt and possesion. I have lost the only family I had, I have lost every friend I ever had, I have no way of ever getting my own house, a decent job. I can never travel overseas!! I literally have only the bare basics to look forward too, that includes about 5 years minimum in prison.. All becuase I was stupid enough to gamble!!
And you want to know whats worse? yesterday I got my 2 week paycheck! I havint had money for some months. After everything I have been through, after all the crimes, the travelling interstate, the nights in the park, sleeping on the train stations ..... I wake up at 4am, i wait for my pay to go in at 5am, I enter the local casino at 5:30am this morning and blew it all.. Now I sit here again, after 12 years of just absolute misery and sadness, with 2 sharp blades infront of me, a glass of jack daniels and coke, and Ithink to myself.... "Now do you have the guts to do it?" the answer? 100%!!!
For More Details: motion graphic animations
